Behind the smile

I think I've reached it, the insomnia zone! I can't even believe how not tired I am right now and how tired I wish I was. I get done talking to a friend online cuz he falls asleep and says goodnight and all that jazz. Then theres me, who can't seem to go to sleep yet. I try video games, youtube, reading, you know the stuff that would NORMALLY make me go to sleep, but to no avail! I think I just have to much on my mind. Way too much! You see heres the thing about me. I don't talk. Like if you're around me I just don't talk. Its not that I don't like you or anything its just that I don't talk. It's not that I'm ignoring you are anything its just that.....well you get the picture. Now because I don't talk theres all of these words just stuck in my head, and unless you find a way to let them out theyre gonna stay there and just be.......just be with all of the other words that just want to be. Theres been a few times in my life where someone has cracked the dam. By that I mean when I started talking, EVERYTHING came out! There was no stopping me for a good half hour, and usually when I go on these "word vomits" they involve tears because when I start I don't know how to stop until I can't think of anything else to say, this including some of my deep secrets or biggest regrets or my past life in general. My life is just amazing. and if you ever get those floodgates to open you'll hear all about it!

Since were on the subject of crying, let me just tell you that if you need someone to hold in tears call me. I consider myself to be a professional at this. Everyone sees me as happy go lucky Logan. Its my friends.......now everyone is considered my friend so in reality right now I'm talking about my "bests".........who know the difference between Logans actuall smile and Logans Facade. It's kinda funny because on a really good day I hardly have to use the facade for obvious reasons. and the theres my off days where I put on the facade 60-90% of the day! Those days you'll either see me full on fake smile or theres this little smirk that I find myself doing a lot, This could mean one of three things; One I'm not really interested in what you're saying but decide to put on some form of facial recognition to what I think is comign out of your mouth, two I have no idea WHAT you just said and decide to go with the smile and nod approach and three I have a lot on my mind and......yea I dunno what the and is but theres a lot on my mind.

Ok so talking about emotions.......lol lets just tell everyone your secrets Logan! OK!!..........talking about emotions you ever wonder what people act like when their mad?! Well heres what I do. I become as proper as I can be. Example! My language when I'm not mad at you for.......lets say yelling at me for something I didn't do, "ok.....whatever. I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings" (I know that was lame but I actually don't knwo what I would say there lol) and heres me actually mad at you, "I apologize for the inconvenience I may have caused. If theres is anything I can do please let me know." THAT ONE I know thats what I would say, or in a roundabout way......I would say. Little hint if you didnt catch! "I'm Sorry" is used when I'm not mad at you (I may or may not actually be sorry depending on the circumstances) "I apologize" is used when I'm mad at you (This time I probably wont mean it but know that an apology will probably make you happy) While I'm typing this my mind is shooting off these wierd warnings like "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?" "Everyones going to see this and know!!!" and right now I don't care. So you guys know who I am. Isn't that why I'm doing this? so you can knwo the real me? Thats what I thought

If you wanted this to be a funny post then I'm sorry (see there it is) but I'm just not feelin it tonight.....or at least right now. There may be a few giggles here and there but nothing to grand or at least thats not what I think. That could be becasue its 4 in teh AM and I can't go to sleep so nothing really sounds funny right now unless someone decided to throw a pun at me in which case I would probably burst out into laugher and no one could stop me......but I'm just sayin'

Ok peoples, here I am throwing out my emotional secrets with you! My question..........No don't do it Logan I don't want to answer.........for you is.........Ugh he's gonna ask it................My question for you is:

What are some of your emotional secrets?

keep in mind I just threw you mine or at least a few of them, theres still more I might not be telling BAHAHAHA! If you're to shy to tell then just wait until 4AM like me and your fingers wont be able to stop and before you know it you've just answered the question! SO! Good luck with that! Have a good one

-Logan